Thoughts...: ianuarie 2013

vineri, 25 ianuarie 2013

Bad day...

I had a bad day and I felt the need to write something just to take my mind off it. I'm pretty sad and only one person could make me feel better. Whatever...You don't know who you are! Hahaa

I miss my grandma... I wonder what she would think about me now. She was always there for me when I needed her. She always taught me the best. She was a lovely lady who would've took anyone in her house, feed them and gave them a place to rest their heads. She was an inspiration for me and still is. She was a wise woman with an enormous heart.
I miss Raymond. Raymond was a beautiful doberman and he was my dog. I remember us running together through the woods. I remember him coming to me and lay his head on my legs. I remember his beautiful eyes. I remember that he chocked one time. I was only 12. I didn't know what to do... I was scared to death. I was looking at him and saw him fighting for his life. I gave him a bucket of water but he tilted it while he was trying to drink from it. I didn't know what to do... :| Well, he didn't die. Finally I took a stick and hit him across the neck... Don't say anything. I was just a little girl, scared and all alone with a dying dog. I saved his life that day... I miss him...
I miss my family. My mom and dad... Though they are not that far away... I still miss them. It really sucks not seeing them all day&night. I miss the smell of a real food...
I miss my elder sister... She's far far away in a beautiful "kingdom". Oh God, how I need her advises right now. At least, I won't have to wait too long cause she's coming home.Yaaay...But until then I'm gonna miss her like crazy and my brother in law too. :D
I miss my childhood friend. I wont say her name. She knows best. We first met when I was in the second or third grade. Since that day and till high school we were inseparable. We went to school together. We came back home from school together. We fought for dolls when we were young...sometimes we fought just to fought. No reason. Childish things. But we always ended up together. We made plans on how we'll gonna move together in Cluj and have our own apartment. That didn't happened. Sadly... We fell apart. It was my fault. And I am sorry for that. I lost a friend. My best friend. I miss her...
I miss my <<fashioniste>> friend. I wont say her name either. She knows best. She is in Wien right now. I didn't saw her for such a long time. Since we've met, she was always there for me. Encouraging me, pushing me for the best, helping me... She is such a beauty and has such an amazing spirit. I can't be sad around her. I just can't...

I miss my nephews Caleb&Hadassa...
I miss ice-cream <3
I miss summer...
I miss rain...
I miss you...Yeah, you! :*

miercuri, 9 ianuarie 2013

Thoughts (Chapter 7) Questions vs Silence

So many thoughts are rushing through my head right now... What is strange is that I can't find the words to write them down. I had a conversation with God today. I remembered that 3 years ago or something like that, I asked Him 3 questions and He promised that He will give me the answers, but He didn't yet. I told Him today that I still have those question, I still want my answers. Then I remembered something that Kim Walker (known as the worship leader for Jesus Culture) once said that she had questions too, she wanted answers too, but more than that... more than answers to her questions, she wanted Him. So, as I was talking to God, reproaching Him that He didn't gave me the answers, I realized that I want Him more than anything. I choose to trust Him that He will give my answers when He thinks is the right time, even if that means I will have to wait a thousand years...
I know He has a plan for me. I know I have a purpose in this world. More than just getting married, have kids and succeed in a carrier. I know! I just have to listen very carefully and be patient. And here comes the big issue. I'm not patient at all. I know it's wrong and I know I have to work on that. So I think this is God's idea to teach me how to be patience. I'm smiling while I am writing this because I'm thinking : God! There've been 3 years!!! 3 years, God! Isn't that enough? ...

Foolish thoughts! I'm a believer and when the right time comes I'll get my answers and much more...
God made life simple it is us who complicates it. He told us to put all of our problems in His powerful hands and trust Him entirely. Why don't we just do that and be free? Why do we choose to worry instead of being relaxed? Why do we choose to break ourselves trying to solve our problems on our own instead of asking for help? Why do I keep searching for those answers when I should just trust God? Cause He knows what's best for me.
Jesus himself told us to ask for anything in his name and He would do it.

"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."
(John 14: 12-14)

I asked. He respond, He always does. But I can't blame Him for telling me to wait. He is my Father. And like a father, he knows what's best for his children. So, I will learn to wait patiently... Cause what He promised, He fulfills!

vineri, 4 ianuarie 2013

Thoughts (Chapter 6) He is with you!

"Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the Lord, who has compassion on you."
Isaiah 54:10

This was the God's word for me, on the first day of 2013... So comfortable to know that He will always be there for me, no matter what.
Sometimes I feel like I don't belong... Sometimes I feel so alone, empty and cold. I feel numb. And in those very moments I'm struggling to remember His promises. He told us that He will never leave us, that He will always be there, that He has us in the palm of his hand. So why do we worry so much? Why do I worry so much? I am so good on telling someone "Do not worry. God will take care!" but when it comes to me... I give up so easily and let the anxiety to take control over my life.
I step back and crumble under pressure. I forget that God Himself promised He will be THERE. In my pain, in my sorrow, in my anxiety, in my nightmare. He promise me that He'll never leave my sight. That He will carry me over those things and put my feet on solid ground. That in Him I'm more than a conqueror.

(“We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”Romans 8:37 )

I forget about His precious love, I forget about His perfect grace. I might even think that He abandoned me, even if I was the one who left. But you know what? He never forgets. No. He never forgets me. No matter what I think or do... No matter how much dirt is on me or how much I doubted Him, He will always, ALWAYS come back to rescue me.

His love?! Oh, His love is... How should I describe it? One thing I know: I do not deserve it. I don't ! But still, here comes His love like a sunrise. When everything is dark in your life, cold and numb, here comes this perfect love, this pure love and embrace you, flood your heart, takes away all those negative things and makes you feel brand new... You are a brand new person...

So in this year trust His word. Trust Him with your life. He will never leave our sights. Oh, how He love us! His unfailing love for you will not be shaken...

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
I have summoned you by name; you are mine. and because I love you,
When you pass through the waters,   I will give people in exchange for you,
I will be with you; nations in exchange for your life.
and when you pass through the rivers,    Do not be afraid, for I am with you"
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,     Isaiah 43:2,4,5
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.