Letter to my future husband

Hey love,

I'll start by saying that I'd rather have you here right now, lying next to me, playing with my hair than writing this letter; but either way, here it is.
Don't know who you are or where are you from, if we met or not. For all I know, you could be from another galaxy. I do hope you have wi-fi wherever you are. :)) Thing is , I miss you lovely. I kinda do. Missing your laughter, your eyes, your arms and their warm embrace. I kinda need your wisdom and warm heart to help me get through some stuff. I don't know much about you, but one thing I know for sure, your amazing heart made me fall for you. Your love for people and selflessness draw me closer and closer to you, until I was all yours. I had no escape, you got me. I also  know you're an adventurous man who loves traveling and experiencing new things and that you'll agree with me when I'll tell you it would be nice to have a cabin in the woods.
I know for sure you're not a materialistic person, cause I would've never fell for you if you were . You're the most altruistic guy I've ever met, that's for sure. Your smile brightens up my day and there's nothing wrong that your hug and kiss wont fix. There are certain things I adore at you, like how you surprise me with lil' love notes hidden all over, your attention to details, the way you just know when something's wrong with me, the way you play with me, the way you smell. And there are some that I ignore, cause I just love you :)   I pray you love God more than anything, more than you love me.

I hope you'll love my flaws cause I'll love yours for sure. Never will I judge you or laugh at your dreams. I will support you and be a good listener. When you'll be in pain, I'll stand right next to you and I will comfort you. You'll never have to be ashamed of your failures or anything, cause I'll love you no matter what. You'll never lose my admiration, you'll never lose me Love . You're always gonna be my champion, my king, the best part of me. Through the good and bad, through stormy weather or clear skies, I'll always stand by you. Always.
 I swear we'll be the best team the world ever saw. We'll face everything together and nothing will stand against us. God will be our rock and our lighthouse in the darkest days. The three of us together will be undefeated. We'll stand high and we will laugh, trust me, we'll laugh like we never laughed before. And we will be happy. Happiest people alive.

So, whatever you need to sort out right now, hurry and make your way to me. I'm waiting.

Now and forever yours,
Your love

Reflecții

S-a tot spus și s-a tot repetat că viața e asemenea unei cărți. Și într-un fel așa e. Fiecare an care trece încheie un capitol din existența noastră. Ne aflăm în ultimele momente ale acestui an. Ultima strigare...  Acum nu vom mai vorbi de trecut. Sau poate ar trebui? Și chiar dacă nu am vorbi... el nu dispare doar pentru că noi alegem să păstrăm tăcerea. Amintiri care ne vor răscoli mereu prezentul, viitorul. Plăcute sau dureroase, vor fi mereu acolo. Indiferent cât vom lupta împotriva lor. Un duh zdrobit, o vorbă dureroasă, intenții ascunse care au zgâriat învelișul sensibil al inimii, prefecătorii care au lovit cu puterea unui baros în încrederea pe care atât de greu ai construit-o. Regrete. Atât de multe regrete zac în noi, încât nu mai putem trăi fericiți prezentul. 

Privim în continuu peste umăr cu aceeași întrebare atârnând fără răspuns în mintea noastră chinuită: DAR DACĂ? Dar dacă aș fi spus da? Dacă aș fi refuzat? Dacă aș fi mers? Dacă aș fi stat? Atât de mulți DACĂ în viețile noastre încât nu putem vedea clar oportunitățiile care ne stau înainte, oamenii care ne iubesc cu adevărat, mâna Tatălui întinsă. Stăm pietrificați în fața ușii care ni s-a trântit în nas, încât nu mai putem vedea fereastra deschisă. Și chiar dacă am vedea-o, probabil am sta înainte ei fără a avea puterea să ne luăm zborul... Încercăm să ne dăm seama unde ne-am frânt aripile. Cine ne-a trântit la pământ?! Nu e greșit să privești în trecut. Trist e că atunci când întoarcem capul, nu  o facem pentru a ne corecta ci pentru a căuta motive să nu mergem mai departe. Puțini dintre noi privim în trecut pentru a învăța din greșeli. Puțini dintre noi privim în trecut pentru a ne aminti de o mână întinsă, de un sărut pe frunte sau de o mângâiere. Puțini suntem acei care ne amintim de curcubeul de după ploaie sau de seninul cerului după o furtună. Puțini ne amintim de o vorbă bună, de un zâmbet, de o mână pe umăr.

Un nou capitol ne stă înainte. Un nou an. Să privim dar cu încredere și speranță spre el. Noi aventuri ne stau înainte. Decizii de luat, alegeri de făcut, momente de trăit. Fie ca acest nou capitol să aducă rezolvare la problemele din trecut și să fie înțesat de momente frumoase. Fie ca în acest capitol să realizăm că nu e nimic mai prețios ca amintirile frumoase și că acestea merită sa fie mereu povestite și retrăite. În acest an doresc ca fiecare dintre noi să ne găsim umărul potrivit pe care să plângem și brațul potrivit pe care să ne sprijinim. Să ne găsim mâna potrivită pe care să o tinem strâns în timpul unei plimbări în miez de zi sau noapte. Fie ca în acest capitol cu toții să ne găsim liniștea, fericirea și pacea. Să lăsăm marea să ia cu ea toate amintirile neplăcute ale trecutului și să le ducă în adâncurile ei, că atunci când vom privi din nou în urmă să putem zâmbi fericiți. Îmi doresc sincer ca în acest an să fim cu toții împliniți din toate punctele de vedere.

Îmi doresc ca în acest an să înțelegi că dincolo de nori e Cineva care poate face toate                                                     lucrurile de mai sus posibile.

Dear stranger,

Has anyone told you lately that you're beautiful? That you're special and important?
If not, allow me to remind you that you are!

You are beautiful, you are important and you matter! Is the truth! You were created in the image of a God. There's nothing boring or dull about that. You're perfect!

That thing you've been dreaming of since you were a kid...that thing? The world needs it. Believe it or not, the world needs your color.
This life? I believe with all of my heart that this life has a meaning. We have a purpose! I refuse to believe we came from nowhere just to live, pay bills and then die. I refuse to think that's it! It can't be!
Doesn't make any sense.I know there's more!
So, while we're waiting for the better part to come, let's  make the most of what we've got.
Follow your dreams! Grab them with all your strength and don't let go. Don't listen to the people who're trying to bring you down telling you that your dreams aren't realistic or that they won't bring you enough money. It's what you've been dreaming your whole life. Do it! Forget the world! It's your life! Your purpose, your happiness. Grab it and don't let go!
Awake the warrior inside you! Don't hold it back!
YOU MATTER! YOU'RE A TREASURE! Please, don't stay buried...
 Let the whole world see you shine! Let it see your true colors! It's your time! No one else's.
                                                                             
                                                                            YOURS!
                                                                        Enjoy the ride!
                                                                   I said: Enjoy the ride!


       "Your dreams don't have an expiration date. We can always take a deep breath and try again."
                                                                                                               - David Niven

Hopes

So here I go again. Another year has passed away. Do I feel wiser? Sure thing I do. Do I feel happier? Jeez, yeah! Do I have all things figured out?  Hell, no! Did I lived the best I could’ve? Yeea…Ha!  let’s be honest. I didn’t! I could’ve done so much better than I did. But one thing I know for sure. I took it all in. The bad, the good, pain,  joy, you name it. I took them all in! And I tried to learn something from everything.  I was low and I was high. I’ve swum through the deepest waters and survived. I’ve then took my wings and fly as high as I could. I saw the beauty of this world and I’ve kissed the sun. I've touched the moon and felt the warm embrace of the stars! I’ve enjoyed every single moment of my glory and then learned how to fall with grace.  I’ve lived! 

And as I am standing in front of another number, I really hope for some things. I hope I'll make more time to invest in my passions and in what really makes me happy. I hope I'll learn to suit up (and do it better) against all the negativity people all around throw like they don't care. I hope I'll be able to love them anyway!

I hope I'll make a difference in somebody else's life. I hope I can bring joy to the others and be an inspiration. I hope I'll find the answers I'm looking for and draw myself closer to God. I hope I'll be a better daughter, a better sister and a better friend. - A better myself -
I hope I'll find you! 

October baby

October… And when I say October, only joyful memories come to my mind. Well, that’s a lie.

But let’s focus on the good things, shall we? Why I love October? Because it’s the “beginning” of my  favorite season. (For me , really, autumn begins in October, so just bear with me for a couple of sentences, will ya? ) Because I can finally wear boots and scarves and cozy sweaters. And let’s not forget about  the amazing, a-m-a-z-i-n-g colorful leaves. And… oh, the wind! You can literally see its hands playing with leaves, raising them up and let them fall gently on the ground; and its power… There’s nothing more refreshing than walking against it; feeling it through my hair, making my eyes tear and putting a smile on my face every single time we salute each other.   How majestic it is and how restless! 

The pumpkins, the smell of pies and cinnamon, tea, my birthday :>, reading books by the window, hot chocolate… and the RAIN. Rain – there’s nothing like it. Tell me something better than walking through rain with/ without an umbrella while listening to James Blunt? Or sitting by your window listening to thunders and watching the nature putting on a show just for you. Please, tell me. I dare you! :D

Well, I may be a little bit too romantic, some would say, but that’s the way I see the world. Beautiful, mesmerizing world we live in.

Why I feel this way about October?

Because it reminds me so much of myself. I am too, restless. And like the leaves, sometimes  I fall to the ground too. Getting washed away by the rain, holding on to that hope of resurrection – spring. On the outside I might seem cold and numb, but if you’ll embrace me, you would see my true colors, you would feel my passion and you would hear my music…

.

If October would’ve been a girl, she would’ve been my twin sister. Just sayin'.

Thoughts (Chapter 10)

WORDS... they come so damn hard. My feelings though, they are strong and painfully annoying. If I could just have a switch to turn it off every single time I want...it would be so much easier. I could ignore everything's wrong around me and see only the bright side, I could ignore the hungry faces I see every day... all the hurt and all the pain. I could forget about all the unanswered questions, all my failures and guilt, about the homeless old man, about the single mom with her two little kids living on streets, about all those smiles full of sadness. The thing is I don't have such a switch, I'm not a vampire and I'm not livin' in Mystic Falls. I could choose not to care, of course, cause sh*t happens all over the world, but that's not how I'm made. I  just wish someday I could do more than writing down  my frustration or buy a sandwich... I wanna leave something behind, something to be remembered for, I wanna say I've lived the best I could've and that I meant something, in somebody's life; that I've touched hearts and made minds wonder...

I've met some beautiful, wonderful people on my way until now, some left , some are still walking beside me. I, sometime, think about those who left and my heart shatters at the thought I might not see them again. What if I could've done better? Should've told them what my heart wanted me so much to say? Should've told them about God's perfect love? Should've stayed silent?  Dying souls. It kills me, seeing unhappy people. I wish I could tell them, things will get better, I wish I could hug them until all the pain is gone... Wish they would believe me when I'll tell them there is MORE...  Wish I could do more...

.

De ce urăsc să mă mut

*Pentru că mă scoate din minți împachetatul bagajelor , iar mai apoi desfăcutul lor! Pentru că deși renunț la multe lucruri de-a lungul procesului, la final tot am o groază de chestii la care pur și simplu nu pot renunța.

*Pentru că trebuie să dai “n” telefoane la “n” anunțuri, până să găsești locuința perfectă în limita bugetului personal

*Pentru că proprietarii nu-ți predau niciodată casa curată! Pentru că îți petreci  o zi întreagă spălând uși,dulapuri,geamuri,frigidere,aragaze,chiuvete si podele, curățând mizeria altuia.

*Pentru că abia după ce te muți și plătești chiria și avans, descoperi cu stupoare că: robinetul de la chiuveta  picură, că frigiderul nu îngheață cum ar trebui și ți se strică mâncarea în el, că instalația electrică e de 100 de ani și se arde când ți-e lumea mai dragă, că patul are molii. Ughh!

*Pentru că proprietarii de obicei sunt plini de pretenții dar rigizi și insensibili la cerințele mele/noastre.

*Pentru că ți se promit multe și primești puține sau chiar deloc.

*Pentru că odată ce te-ai atașat de oameni, localuri și obiceiuri, e atât de greu să le lași în urmă.

*Pentru că deși palpitant, necunoscutul e puțin înfricoșător. Nu știi, dacă vei întâlni persoane cu care să click-ui la fel ca și cu prietenii tăi.

Pentru că, deși îmi plac noile începuturi, e agonizant sa te atașezi de locuri pe care mai târziu

 trebuie să le părăsești!

~ Reflecţii ~

                  Confucius spunea că "există trei metode de a învăţa înţelepciunea: prima este prin reflecţie,                         metoda care este cea mai nobilă din toate; a doua este prin imitaţie, metoda cea mai facilă; şi a treia                                                         prin experienţă, metoda cea mai amară din toate".

A venit iarna, şi nimic nu se compară cu o plimbare pe aleeile înzăpezite, cu vântul puternic jucându-se pe străzile pustii, şi James Blunt zăpăcindu-te cu vocea lui extraordinara; să te întorci la o casă caldă cu miros de portocale şi un ceai fierbinte, un pat bun si o pătura calduroasă, o familie care te iubeşte necondiţionat, un job bun, prieteni faini, o viaţa bună per ansamblu.
Anul acesta a fost un an frumos pentru mine. Într-adevar am avut parte de lupte şi încercări , însă am ieşit învingătoare din toate. Mai cu inima în bucăţi, mai cu hainele facute zdrenţe, dar învingătoare. Am învăţat că, în viaţă atât timp cât îţi doreşti, orice e posibil; că viaţa poate fi bună chiar şi atunci când totul pare să meargă prost; că nu totul e ce pare a fi, că toţi oamenii sunt normali până ajungi să îi cunoşti. Am învăţat că atât timp cât lupţi, poţi obţine orice, dar şi că, în viaţă sunt anumite lupte care nu trebuie purtate. Că dacă nu eşti fericit de un anumit lucru trebuie să iei măsuri. Că viaţa poate fi o aventură zilnică, că poţi fi fericit chiar dacă ai mai puţin, chiar dacă nu ai ultimul telefon de pe piaţa sau pantofi Christian Louboutin.
Am întâlnit oameni faini anul acesta, am întâlnit câţiva de care mă puteam lipsi, dar hey... de la toţi putem învata câte ceva. Am legat nişte prietenii de aur. Am descoperit că nu toţi prietenii rămân, că alţii fac promisiuni pe care nu le pot ţine, prieteni care te îndepărtează fără motiv şi prieteni care nu renunţa la tine indiferent cât de mult te închizi în tine, care te urmează în cele mai adânci întunericuri, în cele mai periculoase neanturi. Am învăţat că oamenii se schimbă, dar amintirile nu.
Am învatat să renunţ la naivitate. Că nu toţi oamenii sunt buni, că nu toţi sunt sinceri. Am învăţat că lumea aceasta nu este plină doar de intenţii bune. Că sunt oamenii care au o plăcere perfidă de a se juca cu sentimentele tale, de a te ridica pe culmi ca mai apoi sa te împingă în gol.
Am mai învăţat că atât timp cât vei lua în considerare toate vorbele spuse cu răutate de cei care nu cunosc o iotă despre tine, nu vei putea trăi liber şi fericit. Că atât timp cât încerci să-i mulţumeşti pe toţi indivizii din jurul tău, nu vei reuşi niciodată să te cunoşti pe tine. Nu vei şti niciodată ce îţi face cu adevărat plăcere, ce te reprezintă, deoarece ai încercat prea mult să te modelezi după ideile lor, pentru a le face plăcere, încât ai uitat cine eşti.
Am învăţat să mă intereseze doar ce crede Dumnezeu, am învăţat că restul sunt doar detalii, mici gândaci conduşi de invidie şi prostie.

Am aflat că deşi se spune ca nu există magie, lumea e plină de ea! Am învăţat să deschid ochii cu adevărat; să nu privesc doar la suprafaţă. Am văzut că oamenii tânjesc dupa dragoste şi că am posibilitatea de a iubi. Aşa am descoperit bucuria de a dărui si de a iubi. Am învăţat să privesc cu atenţie la oamenii pe care îi întâlnesc, să nu judec ci să înţeleg şi să iubesc indiferent  dacă vor sau nu, să fie iubiti. Dragostea întotdeauna cucereşte!
Mai mult decât atât, am învaţat să mă iubesc! Una dintre cele mai importante lecţii pe care le-am învatat în acest an. Am învăţat ca există un alt fel de a trăi! Această cale Noua pe care am descoperit-o, citind “Presiunea a dispărut! de Dr. Larry Crabb, m-a învăţat să trăiesc liber, fără nici o fărâmă de presiune. Am învăţat să mă bucur de prezent, să uit trecutul furtunos şi să privesc cu ardoare spre viitor. Am învaţat să mă bucur de fiecare                  clipă, că în următoarea aş putea sa nu mai fiu.  

Am conştientizat că bucurie mai mare ca aceea de  a-L cunoaşte personal pe Dumnezeu, nu există, şi că în El sunt mai mult decat perfectă! Că am avut
un aşa mare preţ în ochii Lui, încât a ales să  moară , doar pentru ca eu să pot dansa o veşnicie întreagă la braţul Lui.

Error 404

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

Sursa:
http://www.tomatacuscufita.com/2008/05/11/page-not-found/

Thoughts (Chapter 9) J.O.Y

Have you ever felt like you've messed up things so bad, that there ain't no coming back? I definitely did!

My life was in ruins.  Everything was in black and white. My heart was shattered in pieces. I had people who loved me but that didn't make me happy. I was lost but then He found me. He found me in my darkest moments, in my ugliest hours and He brought me home. He took away the pain, the mud, the chains, all the skeletons from my closet and gave me a new identity and  a brand new heart. From that moment on, everything has changed for me. I found myself waking up with a smile on my face or smiling at random people with no reason. I bet most of them thought I wasn't sane. It was like I was high or something. I couldn't control it. I was so full of joy and love that it overflowed around me.
My life suddenly became worth living. He gave me a vision, a purpose, a call. The happiness I found in Him is irreplaceable. All my fears were swept away, my doubts, my insecurities, my worries; all of them- like they've never been there. He saw right through me. He saw all my flaws and my sins and still stood there in front of me, calling me His love! Lately, I've been asking myself what did He saw in me, so worthy to be saved? Cause I feel like such a failure... God saved me, loved me, took me in His arms and carried me when I hadn't the strength to carry on and I still have days when I turn my back on Him and walk away like I don't care. I mean, what in the world it's wrong with me? And it kills me...hurting Him. Sometimes I just wanna give up cause this thought - that I will never be good enough, cause in the end I'm human and I'm going to fail anyway- is messing with my mind. But then I think at all of the things God made for me, all the joy he brought into my life and I know, I wouldn't be able to live without Him in my life and even if I could, I wouldn't want to, cause He's the best part of it.
And I know...I know I mess up all the time, I know I am not a good person all the time. That I hate sometimes, I envy, I'm not offering my help when I should, that  I close my eyes on things I shouldn't... I know I don't make Him proud every day and I constantly let Him down, but I just can't quit on trying. I can't imagine my life without Him. I can't imagine living my life like nothing happened. Like He's not there...when I know He is, when I saw and felt Him, when I know He is real and He loves me in spite of everything, when I know what He sacrificed for me...I just can't! That's why every single time I feel like giving up or to ashamed to ask Him for forgiveness I read Lamentation 3:21

"This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope
It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."


God is LOVE and He is JOY and He is FORGIVENESS. He doesn't want the death of the sinner but the redemption. He FORGIVES and unlike humans, he FORGETS.
                                                               
                                                                    So, you've messed up?
                                                      Tell your Daddy! He'll know what to do!

                                    Maybe you can't turn back the hands of time to undo what you've done,
                                                      but there's always hope for new beginnings!

Thoughts (Chapter 8) L.O.V.E

When life kicks you, you have to kick her back, right? Never fall, never quit. You see, you're not just a survivor - YOU ARE A WARRIOR! Life might put you down sometimes but eventually you always get back up again and fight. So, let's talk about those moment when you're felling low.
Sometimes you find yourself at the crossroads without knowing which way you should take.You're looking for answers but they're nowhere to be found. You're feeling confused and lost, wondering what's the point of this life... So, let me tell you this: I felt that way. I've been there and if it wasn't for God and his love ... I would've been the first to jump off a cliff, cause I've always wanted to fly...even for a couple of seconds. ( 'thing is, I don't know how to swim lol) Seriously, if it wasn't for Him, I would've been dead long time ago. He saved me and gave me new perspective. This life is pointless without Him. It's all dust and rust, garbage and emptiness. A big, fat joke. People who were supposed to be your friends, stabbed you in the back. Problems at work, problems at home, sleepless nights, bills to pay, diseases, partner's infidelity. All those things can really bring out the worst in you. You know it, I know it so...
Let's just get honest for a minute. Stop right now... stop fooling yourself, because we all know how things are. You're clubbing, drinking,having sex,doing drugs just because you're feeling empty, numb. You're trying so hard to fill that hole you're feeling inside, but you're doing it in the wrong way buddy. The answers you're looking for, are not there. You're looking for God's love, but you just don't know it yet. You heard about it before, but you just keep rejecting it. You're afraid to step out from your comfort zone and somehow I can understand that, but you are a WARRIOR so act accordingly.
One of my favorite writers, Max Lucado, explains it so beautiful in his book "Just like Jesus". Allow me to quote him...

"God loves you just the way you are. If you think his love for you would
be stronger if your faith were, you are wrong. If you think his love
would be deeper if your thoughts were, wrong again. Don’t confuse
God’s love with the love of people. The love of people often increases
with performance and decreases with mistakes. Not so with God’s
love. He loves you right where you are.
God’s love never ceases. Never. Though we spurn him. Ignore him.
Reject him. Despise him. Disobey him. He will not change. Our evil
cannot diminish his love. Our goodness cannot increase it. Our faith
does not earn it anymore than our stupidity jeopardizes it. God doesn’t
love us less if we fail or more if we succeed. God’s love never ceases."

Keep that in your mind, please. God loves you! Just come to Him. Just give Him a chance to hold you and I promise you, you will never feel numb,empty, hopeless,alone,unhappy, full of sorrow, again - as long as you stay close to Him.
GOD is what are you looking for! Trust me! I've been there! I know how you feel right now. I know... and I know the remedy too! God is waiting for you to come home! He will never abandon you!
Come to your Father!
COME!

You've only got one heart!

I've always taken such good care of my heart until now. Well, is not broken or anything like that. Just painfully annoying. I must say that I never was and I'll never be the kind of girl that would get into a relationship just because everybody does it or just because it's fun. My whole love thing theory is pretty simple.  Erich Fromm  once said : 'Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.' I totally agree with him. There has to be some understanding between those two: passion and reason. Somebody told me once ' Just go with the flow'. If your heart demands something just give her whatever she wants. Just do it. Wrong. Our hearts are pretty sneaky and easy to be tricked. Some nice words and they melt right away. I know...  I've been fighting with her for a couple of months now. It hasn't been easy. Sometimes I just wanna give up and take whatever I want without considering I might lose so much more. Sometimes my heart hurts so bad, I can barely breathe. There are times when I would fly away and never look back; days when I don't even have the will to get my butt outta bed, when I can't sleep, I can't eat and so on. When all I can think about is that thing. <- And that's what I hate the most. I don't wanna feel that way. You might say 'Go and get it if you want it!', but all I can think about is ' Is it really worth it? ' You might think I'm weak for not taking risks or that I'm too rational. The truth is I've only got ONE heart. One beautiful heart and I wanna take good care of her so that when I'll finally  meet the one, to be able to look into his beautiful eyes and let him know my heart waited for him faithfully. So, you call me weak? Think twice!

Now, you all know Kahlil Gibran. He was a Lebanese-American artist, poet, and writer and he is chiefly known in the English-speaking world for his 1923 book 'The Prophet' <- beautiful book. I'm gonna post a paragraph about reason and passion, from it, so make time and read it because it's... "pure art".

"Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against your passion and your appetite.
Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody.
 But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?
Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.
For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing;
 And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.
I would have you consider your judgment and your appetite even as you would two loved guests in your house.
 Surely you would not honour one guest above the other; for he who is more mindful of one loses the love and the faith of both.
Among the hills, when you sit in the cool shade of the white poplars, sharing the peace and serenity of distant fields and meadows -- then let your heart say in silence, "God rests in reason."
And when the storm comes, and the mighty wind shakes the forest, and thunder and lightning proclaim the majesty of the sky -- then let your heart say in awe, "God moves in passion."
 And since you are a breath in God's sphere, and a leaf in God's forest, you too should rest in reason and move in passion."

...and you've only got one heart! Take good care of her...

Traiesti?

Viata e scurta, stii? Azi esti, maine nu. Te gandesti sa traiesti clipa din plin ca si cum nu ar fi un "maine". Si alergi...Alergi in dreapta, alergi in stanga, mai faci un pas in fata, inca o suta in spate, incerci sa umpli golul ce-l simti inlauntrul tau. Golul acela pe care incerci atat de mult sa-l ignori. Mimezi fericirea, gandindu-te ca pana la urma o sa devina realitate... Nu te insela...
Nu de mult am vazut un batranel lovit de o masina. Nu stiu exact cum s-a intamplat. Eram in autobuz si priveam in gol pe fereastra, cand batranelul acesta a aparut, parca, de nicaieri. Niciodata nu am vazut un accident pe viu. Cand vezi la telvizor accidente, te cuprinde poate tristetea si compatimirea pentru oamenii in cauza, insa cand se intampla chiar in fata ochilor tai e diferit; cel putin pentru mine asa e. Nu-mi amintesc sa ma fi simtit asa de rau decat atunci cand a murit bunica mea. Un sentiment straniu si urat...urat de tot, mi-a cuprins intreaga fiinta. Imi venea sa plang, sa strig, sa fug... Sa fug... Chiar a fost ciudat. Era ca si cum ar fi fost moartea acolo; raul acela care staruia in aer. Si sentimentul ala nasol m-a insotit intreaga saptamana. Mi-am dat seama atunci ca intr-o clipa se poate duce totul... Si ce-ai facut atunci? Unde te trezesti?
  Traiesti ziua de azi ca si cum ar fi ultima si esti mereu pe fuga. Alergi cat poti, sperand ca moartea nu te va ajunge.  In maratonul acesta te alimentezi cu ce poti , cu ce gasesti in drum, iei in graba toate nimicurile care iti apar in cale dorind sa "traiesti" cat mai apuci sa o faci. Adevarul e ca aceste lucruri nu fac decat sa ii dea putere mortii. In loc sa umpli golul, il maresti...si te simti tot mai pustiu, tot mai mort. Aceasta nu e viata pe care ti-ai imaginat-o cand erai doar un copil inocent. Ce-ar fi sa te opresti din alergat, sa iei un loc pe banca, sa privesti spre cer si sa-l chemi pe Creator sa umple golul din inima ta? Ai cautat destul prin resturile lumii acesteia. Ce cauti tu, nu vei gasi pe acest pamant. 
In tine, e o parte care tanjeste dupa mai mult. O parte din tine stie ca exista ceva mai mult decat lumea aceasta. Da-i mai multa putere acelei parti. Curaj sa te intinzi dupa aripile copilariei. Curaj sa te intrebi, curaj sa cauti, curaj sa schimbi mersul vietii tale. Nu te cunosc, habar nu am cum te cheama si care e viata ta, insa daca simti golul acela in inima ta, te rog opreste-te din alergat si cheama-l pe acela care s-a dat pe Sine pentru tine. Iti promit ca merita. Nu o sa fie usor dar merita. Vor mai fi furtuni in viata ta, incercari si zile proaste, am avut si eu multe, diferenta e ca intotdeauna vei avea un brat puternic de care sa te sprijini, un prieten care iti va fi MEREU aproape, indiferent de cate ori o dai in bara,  si promisiunea unei vieti vesnice alaturi de cel mai maret Dumnezeu si cei mai tari oameni care au trait vreodata. -> and an ENDLESS PARTY!!!

Take some minutes to watch this video... Then take some time to think about what God did for you. Someone wrote once : "I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than to live my life as if there isn't  and die to find out there is." This life can be awesome too without all the shitty things you do "for fun"... Don't fool yourself, you know you're missing something... >:d<

Letters to an old friend ( #3 )

             Dear Friend,


Don't know what happened with us. Actually I do have an idea. It's me. It's always me. I tend to push away the people I love most. Don't know why am I doing this. Self-preservation and self-destructive in the same time I think. I'm so afraid of being hurt  that I rather end it before it starts cause it hurts less, you know.  Anyways, I'm not sorry. You were a good guy, but I've realized you weren't the one. It was better to stop it in time. In this way you wouldn't waste my time and I wouldn't waste yours and we wouldn't have had deal with broken hearts either.(Win-Win) I remember you called me a coward. That was a harsh word but I forgave you. You were upset and you had every right though I didn't and I don't like to think of myself being a coward just because I didn't wanna take risks in relationships. I was just careful with my heart. It was once broken and I think once is enough.  You promised you wouldn't hurt me but in some ways you did and it hurt like hell. Coward you say? I say courage. Cause you turned my world around, you made me laugh, happy, loved, beautiful but in the same time you gave me the worst feelings. How could it be? Don't know, but I didn't felt safe, secure... I always taught you were too good to be true and I was always prepared to see you walk away from me. Until that day when I realized I couldn't live like that anymore, I couldn't so I did it myself, I walked away from you, from us. Courage! It took me a lot of guts to walk away...
However, I heard that you're married now. Glad to hear that and I'm honest when I'm saying this. I prayed for you after we split. I prayed for your happiness, I prayed for that girl who will find you. I want you to be happy. God knows you deserve it.
In the end I just want to remind you that, you're important and you have so much to give the world. Don't let your passion burn away. Use it! Listen to what God is whispering into your soul and let Him lead your way. Let yourself be what God created you to be. You know what it is. You know it, don't pretend is not there. 

                                                                                                       Sincerely,
                                                                                                              Anne


P.S
This is my last letter to you, farewell my friend.
May your life be filled with joy, happiness, peace and love.

Letters to an old friend ( #2 )

            My beloved friend,


    I am wondering if you remember our first proper date. Cause I do. Every single detail. Don't know why, we - girls, have to remember like, everything. Makes it so hard when you're trying to forget someone. I remember we went for a tea and ended up walking without a destination. Just walking... It was so easy to be around you. No pressure, no empty conversations, no awkwardness. Even if we didn't discuss where we'll spend the evening, we both agreed tacitly: the lake. We weren't normal people, so we didn't took a seat on the bench. Instead we laid on the grass and watched the stars. It was such a clear sky, such a beautiful evening. I still remember the sound made by crickets and frogs, the light of the moon on your face, your soft voice telling me about your future plans, about the promises you made to God and how you're afraid you're not going to be able to fulfill them. I'm still praying for you, you know? Asking God to guide you, to take care of you and lead you to your purpose. I've told you then and I'm telling you right now: I know it's hard to step out from your comfort  zone. I know it's hard to change. There will be obstacles in your way, giants who will try their best to keep you away from your amazing destiny. You were made for so much more than living, working, getting married and have kids. You were made to do great things. I believe in you, it's time for you to do the same. Follow your dreams! Don't let them fade away. You CAN do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens you. (Philippians 4:13) Remember that, would you?

While I was talking you asked me if I was alright, cause my voice was shaking a little. I tried  to be brave but I couldn't. There were so many things rushing through my mind... Had so much pain in my heart because of Juliette abortion. You saw beyond my fake smile, you knew something wasn't right. It was a nice feeling; to know I have somebody who truly cares about my feelings. You listened to me. You prayed with me. You were such an encouragement for me. I didn't even know how the time past so quickly. Even if I didn't want to, I had to go home cause my parents were expecting me at a decent hour. Hahaha... Yeah, my sweetest parents.
You walked me home, though we could've take your car. I didn't complained. I'm sure we both wanted to spent a little more time together.  It was such a beautiful night... Do you remember? Do you?


                                                                                                     With love,
                                                                                                              Anne

Letters to an old friend ( #1 )

               My dear friend,

        It's been a long time since I've seen your smiling face. Sometimes I'm still thinking about you, wondering  'what if?' I remember the first time I saw your face. It was somewhere around Christmas. I didn't noticed  you at first. I was so shy. The room was so crowded and I barely knew two or three people in there. But then you stand up from where you were sitting and came right to me with a plate full of cookies. You smiled  at me and ask me if I wanted a cookie. I said 'No' but then you insisted and that was it, I had to. You were smiling so beautiful.Then you took a seat beside me and we talked, and talked, and talked. And for a couple of hours I forgot about everything. Then the meeting was over so you took me home. I loved every single    minute of that road. It was like we knew each other since forever. You were such a gentleman. You did not tried to impress me with your sophisticated job nor with your fancy car or anything else. You were you. The  most careful, simple and educated guy I knew. When we finally arrived at my home you opened my car door for me. I thought to myself  " He is something..." On that moment I didn't know if you did it just to leave a good impression or something...but in time I realized that, that was just the way you were. No masks, just  an honest man. I hate masks. I hate when people pretend to be something that they are not. But not you. You were always sincere. Always... It's just... Doesn't matter anymore...

          I have to go now. I have guests. I'll write you soon.

                                                                                                           With love,

                                                                                                                     Anne

I wont fall !

Incerc sa imi gasesc cuvintele... Uneori imi e atat de greu sa scriu ceva, parca mi-ar lipsi orice abilitate de a ma exprima. De obicei asta mi se intampla atunci cand sentimentele imi sunt messed up. In ultimele zile mi-am vazut cerul albastru, frumos, transformandu-se in cel mai urat gri posibil pe lumea asta. Uneori viata poate fi atat de urata... Zilele trecute, mai exact joi, pe cand eram inca la cursuri, am primit o veste proasta. Am facut ce am stiut mai bine. Mi-am tras un zambet pe fata si am parasit sala. Afara ploua incet. Aerul era proaspat si revigorant. Mi-am deschis umbrela si am pasit pe trotuarul umed. Drumul spre casa a fost lung si sec. Nu puteam gandi foarte multe. Cand am ajuns in fata blocului, nu prea aveam chef sa intru inauntru. Asa ca am facut o plimbare. Doar eu, umbrela mea, James Blunt si Dumnezeu. In momentul acela, credeam ca sunt doar eu cu umbrela si cu James. Insa azi pot spune ca Dumnezeu nu m-a parasit, chiar daca am pretins asta cateva zile. Eram suparata si manioasa. De ce a permis sa se intample asa ceva? De ce nu face El nimic? De ce tace? De ce nu e acolo cand aveam nevoie de El? Adevarul e, ca El niciodata nu plecase - eram doar orbita de durere, eram intrigata si nu puteam vedea dincolo de suferinta. Am uitat ca trebuie sa ma incred in Dumnezeu. Am uitat de dragostea Lui, de  promisiunile Lui. Am uitat ca El nu face nimic fara sa nu aiba un scop bine stabilit, un plan care lucreaza spre binele nostru. Inca nu inteleg si nici nu vad cum aceasta ar putea sa se transforme in ceva bun, insa aleg sa ma incred in El. Daca El m-a iubit atat de mult incat si-a sacrificat propriul Fiu pentru mine, macar atat ii datorez - increderea mea. Stiu ca El nu va parasi familia mea sau pe mine.
 In ultimele zile am primit multe incurajari pentru care sunt foarte multumitoare. Unele persoane m-au sfatuit, altii s-au rugat pt mine iar altii mi-au dat imbratisari. M-am simtit cu adevarat binecuvantata si ii multumesc lui Dumnezeu pentru aceste persoane. Daca esti dispus sa vezi... nu ai cum sa nu iti dai seama de dragostea lui Dumnezeu, chiar si atunci cand treci prin probleme. El lasa in viata ta oameni care sa te incurajeze si care sa te iubeasca. Oamenii care sa te sprijineasca, sa-ti stearga lacrimile sau sa planga cu tine :)) Depinde de situatie... Unelte in mana Creatorului. O data, eram acasa la sora mea si aveam grija de nepoteii mei. Nu-mi amintesc exact situatia, dar stiu ca eram suparata si cateva lacrimi si-au facut loc pe obrazul meu. Nepotelul meu, sa fi avut pe atunci 2 ani, a venit la mine, nu a spus nimic, ci doar mi-a sters lacrimile si m-a imbratisat. Era doar un copil dar cumva a stiut ca nu sunt in regula. Am simtit in imbratisarea lui, imbratisarea Tatalui si a fost cea mai dulce imbratisare...amintire pe care o voi pretui intotdeauna. Nu suntem niciodata singuri, si nu inteleg de ce uneori ne incapatanam sa credem asta. De ce atunci cand dam de greu, ne intoarcem imediat sa ii reprosam lui Dumnezeu? De ce ii suntem multumitori doar atunci cand primim lucruri bune, dar atunci cand suntem pusi la incercare, ne razvratim in doi timpi si trei miscari?
As vrea sa iti pot spune de ce Dumnezeu ne incearca uneori. Chiar si eu as vrea sa stiu de ce o face. De ce permite anumite lucruri sa se intample... Stiu doar ca aurul in foc se curateste si ca El vede dincolo de astazi, El cunoaste viitorul. El vede persoana care sunt astazi, persoana care as putea fi si prin ce trebuie sa trec ca sa ajung acolo. Daca am intelege tot ce lucreaza si tot ce are in minte, nu ar mai fi Dumnezeu.
Nu stiu cum e Dumnezeul tau sau cum il vezi tu pe Dumnezeu sau daca ai unul...
Insa iti pot spune despre Dumnezeul meu...Oh... E atat de bun, atat de multa dragoste si pace cata am gasit la El, nu am gasit in lumea intreaga si nimeni nu a putut sa imi dea ce mi-a dat El. Nu stiu de ce sunt incercata, dar azi aleg sa ma incred in El. Il iubesc atat de mult si stiu ca nu ar face nimic sa ma raneasca. Iar daca a sosit timpul ca unele persoane dragi din viata mea sa ma paraseasca, stiu ca El imi va umple golul lasat de plecarea lor. Stiu ca nu ma va parasi si nici nu ma va lasa sa disper. Stiu ca imi va fi intotdeauna aproape, asa cum mi-a fost si pana acum. Mereu credincios, indiferent de comportamentul meu. M-a iertat de nenumarate ori si de nenumarate ori m-a ridicat pe bratele Lui atunci cand nu mai puteam inainta. Stiu ca o va face si de data aceasta. Parca il aud soptindu-mi "Putin credincioasa", privindu-ma trist si apoi aplecandu-se sa ma ridice...
N-am facut nimic sa merit o asemenea dragoste...si totusi o simt in fiecare dimineata inundându-mi inima...

"Iată ce mai gândesc în inima mea şi iată ce mă face să mai trag nădejde:
 bunătăţile Domnului nu s-au sfârşit, îndurările Lui nu sunt la capăt,
 ci se înnoiesc în fiecare dimineaţă. Şi credincioşia Ta este atât de mare! –
 „Domnul este partea mea de moştenire”, zice sufletul meu; de aceea nădăjduiesc în El.
 Domnul este bun cu cine nădăjduieşte în El, cu sufletul care-L caută. "

                                                          ( Plangerile lui Ieremia 3:21-25)

Thoughts (Chapter 8) I love You!

You never give up on me. You are always there, always taking care of me, always loving me. No judgment in your eyes, no hatred in your heart...No matter how many times I let You down, You're always taking me back and all I can see in Your beautiful eyes is LOVE. I can't stop thinking: Why? Why do You care so much? I didn't do anything to deserve such an amazing love. We both know how much I hurt You, but still I always find You near me, ready to forgive me. I don't deserve that, I don't. But I guess this is the beauty of Your grace. You don't owe me anything and still You choose to take care of me, to keep me walking on the waters, to guide me through the darkness.I feel so overwhelmed by Your love and I want the world to know the peace,the freedom and the happiness You can give. If they would only know...




Here is an amazing song from Will Reagan (Unitedpursuitband)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y7h6K13z0I

Lyrics:

I find that I'm safe and warm
In your loving arms

You see me
And You know me
And You love me
Through and through

Bad day...

I had a bad day and I felt the need to write something just to take my mind off it. I'm pretty sad and only one person could make me feel better. Whatever...You don't know who you are! Hahaa

I miss my grandma... I wonder what she would think about me now. She was always there for me when I needed her. She always taught me the best. She was a lovely lady who would've took anyone in her house, feed them and gave them a place to rest their heads. She was an inspiration for me and still is. She was a wise woman with an enormous heart.
I miss Raymond. Raymond was a beautiful doberman and he was my dog. I remember us running together through the woods. I remember him coming to me and lay his head on my legs. I remember his beautiful eyes. I remember that he chocked  one time. I was only 12. I didn't know what to do... I was scared to death. I was looking at him and saw him fighting for his life. I gave him a bucket of water but he tilted it while he was trying to drink from it. I didn't know what to do... :| Well, he didn't die. Finally I took a stick and hit him across the neck... Don't say anything. I was just a little girl, scared and all alone with a dying dog. I saved his life that day... I miss him...
I miss my family. My mom and dad... Though they are not that far away... I still miss them. It really sucks not seeing them all day&night. I miss the smell of a real food...
I miss my elder sister... She's far far away in a beautiful "kingdom". Oh God, how I need her advises right now. At least, I won't have to wait too long cause she's coming home.Yaaay...But until then I'm gonna miss her like crazy and my brother in law too. :D
I miss my childhood friend. I wont say her name. She knows best. We first met when I was in the second or third grade. Since that day and till high school we were inseparable. We went to school together. We came back home from school together. We fought for dolls when we were young...sometimes we fought just to fought. No reason. Childish things. But we always ended up together. We made plans on how we'll gonna move together in Cluj and have our own apartment. That didn't happened. Sadly... We fell apart. It was my fault. And I am sorry for that. I lost a friend. My best friend. I miss her...
I miss my <<fashioniste>> friend. I wont say her name either. She knows best. She is in Wien right now. I didn't saw her for such a long time. Since we've met, she was always there for me. Encouraging me, pushing me for the best, helping me... She is such a beauty and has such an amazing spirit. I can't be sad around her. I just can't...

I miss my nephews Caleb&Hadassa...
I miss ice-cream <3
I miss summer...
I miss rain...
I miss you...Yeah, you! :*